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Where the Girlfriends Are

Many people have written about the lack of women in the liberty movement. And some libertarian men asking about the lack of women end up answering themselves. Considering this, I was happily surprised to meet a large number of female liberty lovers over the past few years. And I’m thrilled I have several girlfriends for the first time in my life.

For most of my life, the majority of my friends were men. Most of these friends are either married or gay, but I found it interesting that almost all of them were men. Until recently, I didn’t understand this, but I embraced it, glad to have good friends of either gender. In the past few years since I’ve been active in the liberty movement, I’ve developed strong friendships with several women, and now my ratio of male and female friends is about even.

One of my girlfriends has a podcast, and her co-hosts were speculating recently about why some women seem to brag about having more male vs. female friends. I never bragged, but I did sometimes comment on having more male friends because I found it interesting and perplexing. In this podcast, the theories ranged from female misogyny to “wanting to be one of the guys”. For me, it’s just this: I prefer to associate with people who are straightforward about what they think and want.

In society generally, I’ve found that men tend to be more “WYSIWIG”. With men, what you see is what you get. There are exceptions of course, but this has been true in my experience and has also been observed by others. And it’s not all women’s fault. We’re raised with the belief it’s impolite to state our opinions bluntly or be open about what we want. It took me years and a good class in negotiation skills to get over my fears of asking for what I want. But in the liberty community, most people, including women, are clear with themselves and each other about their thoughts and goals. This makes it easy to trade with them – and easy to be friends with them.

So where do I find awesome girlfriends? I go to where the liberty lovers are!

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  1. K. Darien Freeheart says

    I have almost completely the opposite. All of my friends had always been female (intentionally age-agnostic, since this was even true of early childhood) right up until I had been in New Hampshire for a while.

    I do like to think that the “evening out” is a good thing. I feel as if I’m finally choosing my friends on evaluation and merit now than before where I had previously just ‘gravitated’ toward someone.

    • Teresa says

      Interesting, Kevin. Did you check out the episode of Sex, Lies & Anarchy that I linked in this post? They were discussing how it seems more common for women to have male friends than it is for men to have female friends. But maybe it happens more than we think. Here’s the link again:—can-we-be-friends…-without-benefits-/